Thursday, May 7, 2009


How about that swine flu, huh?  Actually, how about all that news coverage?  Non-stop and incredibly accurate!  No speculation or conjecture what so ever!  Swine flu this, swine flu that.  Pandemic this, pandemic that.  End of days this, end of days that.  Sheesh!  It’s enough to make you want to plastic wrap your kids before they leave the house.  If you let them leave the house, that is.

And make sure you don't eat any pig products, kids! Don't take any chances!!!

Here’s the thing, though.  News is not entertainment.  We might treat it as such, but it’s not.  Whether it’s swine flu, bail-outs, or Miss California, news isn’t meant to be consumed continuously.  Just because it’s on for 24 hours, doesn’t mean you have to watch it that much.  You get your information and you get the hell out.  We have to learn to walk away from this stuff.  Seriously.  Except for a small minority of folks, we don’t need to be in constant contact with the news.  Your vigilance of H1N1 doesn’t make you more prepared.  It only makes you more paranoid.

It’s all meant to scare the shit out of you.  Because fear sells.  Fear packs the asses in the seats.  Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the predictable news teaser that goes something like this:  “What condiment in your refrigerator could be killing you?”  Or:  “The killer in your child’s toy box.”  Then they go to commercial.  It’s called a teaser for a reason you morons!!!  It’s so you’ll sit there through the commercials about medications that you don’t need, like the lemmings you are.  And the condiment that could be killing you?  Turns out to be ketchup that’s been sitting in the fridge for 90 years that some moron decide to chug, choke on and die.  And the killer in your kid’s toy box?  Oh, that’s the legos you keep stepping on.  The ones you keep yelling at your kids to pick up.  The very same legos that caused your heart to seize ‘cause you were ranting like a lunatic again from all the stress you’re under.  That’s the killer in your kids toy box.  And the news does it night after night.

There’s a world of hurt right there

And look what ended up happening with the swine flu.  The media pumped the hell out of it.  We all watched every last second of the coverage.  We we’re all sure that a pandemic was on our hands and, oh, wait a minute.’s not as bad as we thought.  Ummmm…everything’s ok now.  Go about your business. Until we’re ready to scare you again, that is. Which will be in about 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Are zombies attacking? Full story at 11

Now look, I’m not saying turn a blind eye or not be aware of the world around you.  I’m just saying get your information, then go about your business.  Turn the freakin’ TV off, for the love of the Christ!  We can’t wait for the news to stop spreading paranoia.  That’s their job.  We’ve gotta walk away from it.
Now I’m gonna go check out CNN.  I hear that baby seals have suddenly grown thumbs and they’re really pissed.  The baby seals, not CNN.

No comments:

Post a Comment